I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
