tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
