Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
