He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
