After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We are all done wearing pants today
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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