I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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