I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
