Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
