Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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