your thong is hanging out like whoa
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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