I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
