i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I just went to clothing optional bar
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
