This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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