Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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