Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
