If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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