Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
