This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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