I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
