saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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