It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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