Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is my gift to your gina
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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