Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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