I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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