whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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