I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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