i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
