he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
