just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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