is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
