Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
