I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
