theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
