I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
