I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
