Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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