I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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