I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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