Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
