Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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