Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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