Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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