i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
