Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
