There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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