hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
