Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there was a trapeze. enough said
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
