they need to just BURY HIM!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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