i love accidental penises.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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