its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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