Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
