We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
