So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
